The B***h is back...............sort of...............

Well, it's been quite a while since I have visited my blog and written anything. I just haven't been able to find those creative juices.

And I still don't know that I can find them. However, it's 9:28 p.m. on Sunday night and I'm sitting here with nothing to do. I did all the laundry today and cleaned the house. Danny went to bed at 8:45, after he had slept most of the day. I'm bummed and need to talk to someone. So, I guess I will talk to myself.

Now believe me, you may not want to continue reading this with the mood that I am in.......so this is like one of those parental warnings................or spoiler warnings.................or just a warning! Pick your poison.

I'm on my soapbox. I'm all dressed up with my "poor pitiful pearls" on and no where to go................but here.

Now, you have had fair warning, so if you go forward in reading this you do so at your own risk. And before I get a dozen e-mails and half a dozen phone calls that I'm depressed or need to take medicine, let me get one thing straight. I am not depressed in the least and I have a very low tolerance to "those" kinds of medicines and can't take them. Been there, done that. With all of it! It makes me a zombie and I don't like it. So please, spare yourself my grief! LOL!

What I am is ANGRY! I'm angry because I can't do the things that I used to be able to do. I'm angry because I have to wait on others to do stuff (and it never gets done). And I'm angry about being angry!

It is hard for me to express myself sometimes because I try to refrain from saying......."I am so tired of...................", because the alternative to that is not what I want either. But it really does get tiring to be in pain all the time. And it is tiring to be frustrated with myself for my limitations. And it is frustrating when others just don't understand or get it.

I have Fibromyalga and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. Both brought on by my chemotherapy and radiation treatments. I have herniated discs in my back from the positioning of when I got radiation; and my psoriasis is coming back. My hands and feet hurt all the time from the Neuropathy that was also brought on by chemotherapy. But what is really weird, is that while they always hurt, it is so hard to actually "feel" the limbs. There is numbness at the pain site. Now how weird is that? And how can you really explain it?

Now once upon a time...................there was nothing (in my mind) that I couldn't do. I could clean house, mow the lawn, weedeat, use the blower, wash the car and do the laundry - ALL IN ONE DAY! I could work from dawn til dusk and get up in the morning and do it all over again. The heat and humidity never bothered me. I could get out there and work with the rest of them! Now, each and every day I wish my life away by praying for the cooler weather to get here. I have so much I need to take care of, but can't because it is too hot for me to be outside very long. And that "so much to do" is nothing strenuous or anything like that.......because I can't do that anymore anyway. But these little things I want to get done!

I do my best to maintain the household. But it's not the best I used to do. And that makes me mad too. I push myself, and push myself to do and be all that I can be. I push myself through the pain and tiredness on a constant basis. I sometimes feel like the ever-ready bunny. Actually more like a Timex....................takes a licking and it keeps on ticking.

Now don't get me wrong....................there are people in this world that have it so much worse than me. And I know that. But it's my party, and I'll cry if I want to!

It's just that it is frustrating when people just do not understand what I deal with (health-wise) on a daily basis. (And believe me.............I wish this on NO ONE!) But aren't I allowed to have a bad day? Shouldn't I be allowed to express my frustrations occasionally? Well it seems not.

I'm considered bitchy and over-emotional. I "become the issue" if I even open my mouth. If I'm diplomatic, then I'm considered "walking on eggshells". If I'm quiet, I'm considered snobby and unapproachable. If I'm open-minded, I'm considered "off the chart". If I'm hesitant, I'm considered fickle. And when I'm asked what's wrong - I'm cut off because they didn't really want to listen to me anyway. So what's a girl to do?

Someone on Facebook wrote......"Anger is just one letter away from DANGER". And I really believe that is true. Anger makes you feel really bad. And I don't like it. I want to be happy. I want to be joyous! I told someone recently, never let anyone or anything steal your joy! Well, I am going to take my own advice.

I am who I am. It is my "new normal". I am a good person. I am a loving and respectful person. I have a good heart (literally and figuratively - I think). I can only do what I can do, and I am no longer going to let the joy be sucked from my body. I am going to start eating better, and start focusing more on myself. I have put so much energy into worrying about what everyone thinks about me way too long. I am woman hear me roar!

When I'm in pain, I am going to rest. When I want to go somewhere, I am going to go. When I want something done, while it may take me longer than it used to, I am just going to do it. When I don't want to watch the 30th football game of the day, I am going to go watch what I want in the other room! And most important of all, I am going to accept my limitations and work around them. And I am going to quit punishing myself for those limitations.

I truly do know how blessed I am. Three years ago, I didn't think I would see 50 years old. Of course, I still don't know that I will see 50, since it is a few months away, but my point is, I just didn't think I would be here this long. I didn't think I would see my daughter get married or have a child of her own. I didn't think I would see me being involved in the same relationship for the same amount of years that I was divorced. Danny and I have been together for 14 years (married for 13), and I was divorced for 14 years before I remarried. There were so many things that I didn't think I would EVER experience again.......and yet I have. God has kept me around this long, and I'll be hogwashed if I'm going to continue to remain in this poor frame of mind.

And instead of also getting mad at other people in this world because they moan, groan and whine about their lives so much, I am going to pray for them. I am going to pray that everyone is able to find their own joy and quit taking life for granted. I've often wondered what would happen to the world if all of us were all happy and joyous ALL AT THE SAME TIME. What a world that would be!

So I say to all of you who stayed with me to the end of this blog.....................I am truly sorry. But it felt good to get stuff off my chest. I actually had so much more to say, and sort of skipped around up there while writing, but I started feeling better about halfway through and had already made up my mind about what I was going to do to change what I can change. And to accept what I can't.

So hopefully, now the creative juices will again flow and I can start keeping up with my blog with more happier tidbits of life! We are getting ready to build a deck onto the front of the house, and I am sure I will be able to find quite a bit of humor in that!!!!!! Not to mention this year's football season, upcoming holiday season and my adventures into getting things done during the cooler weather!

Life was meant to be good! I'm going out and enjoy it! Will you join me?

P.S. NOTE: THERE IS A NEW CHOCOLATE RECIPE POSTED HERE TOO!

Having nothing to say.................

What do you do when you have absolutely nothing to say?

Seriously, I have nothing to say. I don't feel like talking. I don't feel like thinking. I just feel blah. I don't feel like chatting on facebook right now. I don't feel like talking on the phone. I don't feel like visiting. I don't feel like dealing with the people that keep e-mailing me about my junk.

What does that mean? I'm not depressed. I'm not tired, since I have actually been taking some naps the past couple days. I don't even feel like posting pictures.

I even have a really good chocolate recipe that I should post, and I don't even feel like doing that.

So what am I trying to say?

DON'T GIVE UP ON ME!!!!!!!!!!!! I WILL POST MORE STUFF WHEN I HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY!

Life is meant to be good! And sometimes you just need to shut-up! LOL!

Behind every cloud.................

They say........................"Behind every cloud, there is a silver lining." Metaphorically, I've known that to be true. But I've always wondered why "they" said that. Had "they" actually seen it?

Well after almost 50 years, I finally saw one! Mine came while I was guiltily sitting at Sonic ordering a chocolate malt, after I had just downed Mexican food at a local Mexican food restaurant. Actually, as were were pulling into Sonic, I caught a glimpse, but it wasn't until I had placed that guilt ridden order did my mind grasp what I had truly witnessed. I immediately jumped out of the car and snapped this picture.

ISN'T IT BEAUTIFUL!!!!!!

I then started thinking...............hmmmm.......what could I write about this silver lining on my blog, and the "silver linings"of the world? I could go on and on about how when "dark" times occur in our life, we could take them and really look at them and learn valuable lessons and yada, yada, yada, but then I thought..................... "Oh heck! Why spoil the beauty of this wonder? Let it's existence and mystery speak for itself!!"

Now on to something else........................... Well I worked two days on my Grand Munchkin Jordan's Princess Castle Cake. It was not an easy task! And the cakes wound up weighing 24 lbs! In my mind's eye, I was going to create this beautiful pink Cinderella Castle and all would be glorious. I just happened to forget that the Texas Gulf Coast humidity, complete with 99-100 degree temperatures are "Hell on Earth"!!! This was my finished product. And before I could even snap the pictures, it started to melt!

And by the time we got to the park where the party was, the spires and turrets started to topple. luckily, in the vision of a a6 year old, it was a grand castle. Unfortunately, the minute we got there, the candles had to go on, Happy Birthday had to be sung and the demolition of the cake had to be commenced.

At least it tasted good and the party was a success. (What was that I was saying about silver linings? LOL!)

Jordan had a really fun time, got lots of presents and played with her friends. Grown-ups got to chat and catch up with friends and family and all was happy. Then Grammy and Paw-Paw headed home, passed out from heat exposure, and thanked God for air conditioning!

So again, I say Happy Birthday to Princess Jordan, may your life be filled with Pink Princess Castles and Silver Linings!

Life was meant to be good! Have a great Sunday yall!

Whatever happened to.................

One woman's junk is another woman's treasure? Is my junk not treasure worthy? Is there just too much junk out there? Does my junk not fit in your trunk? (Sorry, always thought "junk in the trunk" was cute!)

I know, I know! What up with all the junk metaphors? Well, to put it mildly.......I HAVE TOO MUCH JUNK! Junk in the closets, junk in storage, junk in the attic (no not my brain), junk in the RV, junk, junk, junk!!!! And I'm hoping that if I say the word junk enough times, the word will no longer have meaning and everything will just miraculously disappear! Junk, junk, junk, junk, junk............................wait for it.................................wait for it............................waiting........................................ NOPE!!!!!! It's all still here! Darn! So now what do I do?

Oh.........well so.........I started gathering some of it......lined it up.........took pictures of it.........downloaded to the computer...........and spent a whole day setting up online yard sales on kingwoodyardsales. com and rummagethewoodlands.com! It's been 3 days now, and I've sold one Marie Osmond Doll and a tiny, little flower arrangement!!!! So far, there's 50 items listed and only 2 things have been gotten rid of. And, I have 1000's more items to post!!!!

Oh, but wait.........people have e-mailed about lots of my goodies! (If I call it goodies, does that make it better?) They have even said they wanted to buy it! But do they show up? NO!!! It seems I'm wasting more time waiting on people than participating in more real life situations! Like last night, "sorry honey...can't go out to dinner because someone's coming to get......" and "no Joyce, can't go next door to meet the new neighbor because someone's coming to pick up......." I knew all this junk was trouble!!!! (There's that word again!)

So, what about garage sales/yard sales? I hate garage sales/yard sales? Putting price labels on everything, making sure you have enough change, dealing with every Tom, Dick and Mary that walks up, praying for good weather and then cursing the heat; not to mention figuring out what to do with all the leftovers....(sorry, did I just mention that?) IS NOT MY IDEA OF FUN! Well it twue, it's twue............(for those Princess Bride fans..LOL - you know who you are.........).

So what to do. What to Do? Three days and I'm already tired of this! Three days and I'm frustrated...........Three days and I'm without a life.................So what now?............................ thinking.......................................thinking......................................thinking........................... still thinking .................................................

Thinking some more............................................................. hmmmmmmmmm.................................. awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww............................................... I wonder when that burn ban is gonna be lifted?!?

Life was meant to be good! Let's ban junk and garage sales!!!!!!!!! Enjoy!

YEAH! I'VE GOT MUD!!!!! (and an idiot neighbor)......

Well, it's been a few days since I posted and I am so excited!!!!

I've got mud! I've got mud! Yea!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Now, I know what you are thinking........."So what?" Well, mud means we've had rain! But why do we have mud? Because we don't have grass that's why! But that's ok! We have lots of trees and now the trees actually have smiles on their faces....er....trunks. And their leaves are doing the happy dance. We really got a soaking today, and hopefully that will continue for the next couple days!

And of course, what mud-laden redneck home would not be complete without the neighborhood idiot? This guy was driving up and down our street in the pouring rain on his four wheeler! Lightning was flashing all around, water was going down the ditches, and this idiot was riding in and out of the ditches and doing wheelies! Ok - maybe he was just as excited about the rain as I was, but come on..........really...........riding a METAL vehicle in the pouring rain and lightning? At first when I grabbed my camera, I thought he was going to stop and ask me why I was taking pictures of him. I of course, had my answer ready (just in case). I was going to tell him I was taking pictures of him for his family to show him that he at least died happy......before he was turned into a crispy fritter! Thankfully he ran out of gas in front of his house, and I didn't have to make a decision to render first aid or not!

On a sad (for us), yet happy (for Amy & Ryan) note, Lucy went home today. Her mommy and daddy picked her up and took her home. Now Cricket is wandering around looking for Lucy. She is sad that she is back to being an only child! She is now pouting on the couch with her head down and tail tucked in! Poor Cricket!

Well, Danny and I are sitting down to some homemade Chicken and Dumplings and Monday Night Football. Is if football already? I'll leave further explanation to another blog, after I have been subjected to a million football games in the next 30 days!

So, what did life bring you today? Rain, good food, good company, good anything????? Whatever it was...................Life was meant to be good! Keep enjoying it!

Lving life to the fullest.....even if it's filled with "stuff"!

Good morning friends!

So, how was your yesterday? I hope is was all you hoped for and more!

Did everyone get their Krogering done yesterday? I did! I usually buy my groceries from Wally World, but Kroger and HEB put on a price war and I decided to check it out! Kroger offered double coupons for 40 cents to a dollar, while keeping their triple for 39 cent and under. Now, I don't usually shop with coupons. Not because I'm rich and feel like paying full price, but because I'm dangerous with scissors....LOL! And, I was never good in art class and Can't draw or cut a straight line. (And I hate all those little pieces of excess paper.) But this time, I tried my hand at it, and I'm glad I did. My coupons totalled $45.00!!!! And I know what you are thinking......"yeah, but you bought a bunch of junk you didn't need". DID NOT!!!!! I made my list first, went on coupon.com and got only the coupons I needed. Plus used the Kroger coupons I got in the mail and used the them for the free stuff; eggs and salad! Because of all the people doing the same thing though, it took 2 1/2 hours to do my grocery shopping! But it was worth it (I think......). I'm gonna find out though. I kept my receipt and next time I go grocery shopping I'm gonna head back to Wally World and buy the exact same stuff. Then I will know if I got caught up in the ad wars! Will post my results when I go shopping again in 2-3 weeks.

Now, about Lucy, the city dog! Cricket has semi-succeeded in turning Lucy into a country dog. Yea! She still has today and half of tomorrow to help Lucy make a full conversion, so we shall see. But Lucy now goes all the way out in the yard and barks at passing dogs, cats and cars! (Don't worry, we have a chain link fence all around our property, so they are safe.) And she even pees on dirt now! No finding what little grass we have in the yard. (We have so many trees in the yard, grass won't grow.)

And just look at the sight I woke up to this morning! How many people wake up to a handsome, shirtless Prince (Lucas) and a beautiful Princess (Jordan) in a pretty pink Princess dress jumping on a trampoline? (Darn - my picture won't upload right, but the dress is long and flowy)! My Grand Munchkins were up early next door at my mother-in-laws having fun before it gets too hot. Knowing by Grand Munchkin Jordan, I bet she slept in the Princess dress! Oh to be that young and carefree!

So, what are the plans for today? Let's see.....made coffee...check......drank said coffee.....check...put chicken in crockpot for Chicken and Dumplings....check.....watched two of the three Grand Munchkins play......check. Now, I've got to get ready to go see the littlest Grand Munchkin, Aiden, at his house (hopefully he won't be asleep like in this pic- but he's beautiful isn't he?); pick-up coffee pot from my daughter to exchange (from the wedding); pick up supplies for the making of Jordan's Princess Castle Cake complete with sparkly purple turrets; go to post office box to get mail; come home to do laundry and finish with a supper of Chicken & Dumplings! Jordan's 6th birthday is August 19th. We are having her party on the 22nd and she asked Grammy for a Pink Princess Castle cake. I made this Mickey Mouse Clubhouse cake for Aiden's first birthday. So hopefully I can conquer the Castle Cake with ease. Unfortunately, Lucas wants a Handy Manny cake for his 4th birthday! And it is gonna be a challenge sculpting the "Tools" out of fondant. But what can I say........I'm just lucky he's not into Transformers!!!!! Yikes!!!!! Will post pictures of Princess Castle Cake when complete.

Well, friends.....I hope you have a phenomenally wonderful and full day today. Even Jesus made it so..................

John 10:10........and Jesus said....."The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full."

Life was meant to be good! Go out and enjoy it!

It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood...a beautiful day....

Wow! Woke up this morning to a temperature of 76 degrees outside. It felt like Thanksgiving! Can't wait for the cooler temperatures on a regular basis.

Last night we went to pick up our Granddog, Lucy! Her mommy and daddy are headed to Cabo San Lucas! That's her in the picture on the right. Her cousin (our baby) Cricket (on the left) was so glad to see her. Poor Lucy though! She is a City Dog, while Cricket is a Country Dog. Lucy is afraid to venture to0 far out into the yard. Cricket keeps telling her, "come on....it's ok....let's go chase that squirrel, ooh, there's a cat...no, a frog.....come on Lucy! Follow me!!!" But so far, no luck. But Cricket will keep it up and hopefully will have Lucy converted by the time she goes home on Monday.

So what's in store for all of us today? Hmmmmm, don't be afraid to bite into that piece of chocolate (you know...LIFE) and savor the beauty of it's flavor and aroma! Make comments below and tell me about the beauty of your day!

Life was meant to be good! Go out and enjoy it!

Live, Laugh, Love = FUN!

Earth is crammed with heaven, and every common bush afire with God. But only he who sees...takes off his shoes. The rest sit around it and pluck blackberries. - Elizabeth Barrett Browning

Hmmmmmm.....thoughtful words. It made me really think. Is that all we do? Sit around and work at life? Why not let life work in us? Which to me, is letting God work in us. But what does that really mean? Give up fun and activities that we enjoy. Those that do no harm, but help us to revitalize ourselves and make us smile? Is that what God wants? (I've been doing some deep thinking folks.......sorry.....) Are we supposed to put what we think God wants us to do at the top of our list and work down from that? It seems to me that humans have a great capacity for declaring something good or evil, without truly knowing. God is supposed to be in the center of our life, and then we work TOWARD the outside. That includes, family, friends, jobs, thoughts, activities (dancing, singing, games, vacations, etc.) that revolve around the nucleus - God. We are not supposed to give up those things that we enjoy because we think that will please God.

I have so many thoughts in my head, it would be better to start at the beginning, and make a point of where I'm going with this.

My point is......Life is supposed to be fun. Life is supposed to be grand! But why do we feel so guilty in enjoying it? And why do we always use what WE THINK GOD WANTS US TO DO as an excuse? God created us out of love. And with love, comes life. And with life should come fun. We set priorities and expectations. We call them responsibilities. Did you know the word responsibility is not ever mentioned in the Bible? And what is the definition of responsibility? Let's start with the definition of responsible: Webster's defines it as: 1 a : liable to be called on to answer b (1) : liable to be called to account as the primary cause, motive, or agent. Webster's defines responsiblity as: something for which one is responsible : burden. Ooh - I just saw three negative words there......cause, motive and burden. So what does that mean? Priorities and expectations are burdens? YES! The idea behind expectations and priorities requires that someone does not know the future or outcome and is trying to control behavior to get the desired result. Duh! How boring and tiring. It takes more energy to control, then it does to just let loose and have fun! I'm not at all saying that you should not pay your bills, do your job to the best of your ability, raise your children, etc. What I am saying that amongst all of these things, which are a given, you should also enjoy yourself.

Simply, I believe in God. Although some might disagree after reading what I have written, I feel God is in the center of my life. I do my best to love unconditionally. And I do my best to allow God and life to take me to new places and new adventures each day. I try to see what has been created around me, and to take in those pleasures. I enjoy my family; time with my husband; playing with my grandchildrens; watching my dog play or just petting her in my lap. I enjoy going on vacations with either my family or just my husband. I enjoy chatting with friends on Facebook, playing with my farms on Farmville and Farmtown and even chatting with people all over the world that I don't even know on Farkle. I like to gamble at casinos and play cards. Does that mean I don't live a wholesome life? Does that mean I'm not a Christian? What is a Christian anyway? Again, Webster's defines a Christian as: one who professes belief in the teachings of Jesus Christ. Ok......if I am to follow Webster's line of thinking....then I am a Christian. But does that mean that I am to religiously attempt to be like Jesus, without Sin? Sorry....too late. Been there, done that (sin, I mean). We all have in some way or the other. At least in our definition of sin. (Nope.......not going to Webster's again....LOL!) And who says that as a Christian, I have to live the straight and narrow life 24 hours a day. Jesus died on the cross that we may be forgiven. Sin was created when the apple was eaten. After that, the rest of what would happen in Creation was set in motion. Again, I'm not saying that I am going to go out and hurt or kill someone; or treat someone badly, or steal, lie or cheat, etc., but I am human and I don't believe that God expects us to be perfect (the definition we give that word). He would love for us to live a "sin-less" life, but he already knows our faults. He knows we are human. He knows what we have done, he knows what we will do 5 minutes from now and so forth. He wants us to love, plain and simple. And with the feeling of love in our heart, so many other joyous things come to pass in our lives. And like I said earlier, with love there is life, and with life there is fun and happiness. So go out and live friends! To live is to love, and to truly love, you must have joy in your life. God does not pick and choose who he loves. He loves everyone. And He loves to see us joyful and alive. If we remove the element of life from our vocabulary and very being, then the world around us will shrivel up and die. Sometimes I try to picture what kind of life Jesus would be having if he had been put on this earth today, starting as a baby and growing up (still to the end result of course). I see him listening to music, playing games, possibly dancing at a disco and maybe even trying his hand at golf. All the while, getting God's word out. Because after all, with our world today, that would be the only way to do it! So again friends, life was meant to be good. Go out and enjoy it. Have a little fun....................

And that's all I have to say about that..........................

Nothing could be sweeter........

Woke up this morning to a little girl munchkin next to me! Who? Why my Grand Munchkin, Jordan. Sweet little face with not a care in the world! Isn't life wonderful? Then my other Grand Munchkin Lucas heads over from MawMaw's. Both sit down to color, while Grammy and PawPaw have a cup of coffee on the porch. Breakfast of Froot Loops, Flinstones and Fun! What a great start to a wonderful day!